Band 7 IELTS Sample Essay: Social Media Mental Health
Reading time: 1 minutes
The Prompt
Many people believe that social media platforms are damaging the mental health of young people. Others argue that these platforms offer real benefits such as connection and support. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The Essay
Social media has become a central part of daily life for young people, and its effects on mental health are widely debated. While some people argue that these platforms cause serious psychological harm, others point to the genuine benefits they provide. In my view, the risks are real but can be managed with the right approach.
Those who are concerned about social media often highlight the pressure it places on young users. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok frequently expose teenagers to idealised images of beauty and success, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Research has consistently shown that heavy social media use is linked to higher rates of anxiety and depression among adolescents. Furthermore, the addictive nature of these apps means that young people often spend excessive amounts of time online, which can disrupt their sleep and reduce face-to-face social interaction.
On the other hand, supporters of social media argue that it can play a valuable role in young people's lives. For those who feel isolated, whether due to geographical location or social difficulties, online communities offer a sense of belonging and understanding. Many young people have found supportive networks through platforms dedicated to mental health awareness, where they can share experiences and receive encouragement. In addition, social media enables young people to stay connected with friends and family, which is an important factor in emotional wellbeing.
In conclusion, while social media clearly carries risks for young people's mental health, it also provides meaningful opportunities for connection and support. I believe the key lies in encouraging responsible use and digital literacy, so that young people can benefit from these platforms without being harmed by them.
Why This Scored Band 7
Task Achievement: 7.5
Your essay appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing both views and presenting a clear personal opinion, aligning with Band 7-8 descriptors: 'A clear and well-developed position is presented in response to the question/s.' You effectively explore the negative impacts of social media (pressure, anxiety, addiction) and the positive aspects (connection, support networks), with each viewpoint receiving balanced treatment. Your position that 'the risks are real but can be managed with the right approach' is clearly stated and maintained throughout. The main ideas are relevant and well-extended with specific examples like Instagram and TikTok for negative effects, and mental health awareness platforms for positive impacts. The essay demonstrates strong task fulfillment with only minor room for deeper exploration of your management solution.
Coherence and Cohesion: 8
Your essay demonstrates excellent coherence and cohesion that aligns with Band 8 descriptors: 'The message can be followed with ease. Information and ideas are logically sequenced.' The four-paragraph structure is skilfully managed with clear progression from introduction through contrasting viewpoints to conclusion. Your use of cohesive devices is sophisticated and natural: 'On the other hand' effectively signals the shift to the opposing view, while 'Furthermore' and 'In addition' enhance flow without mechanical overuse. The referencing is clear throughout, with 'these platforms,' 'these apps,' and 'online communities' providing smooth connections. Paragraphing is used effectively to support overall coherence, with each body paragraph maintaining a clear central topic and logical internal sequencing.
Lexical Resource: 8
Your lexical resource demonstrates Band 8 proficiency: 'A wide resource is fluently and flexibly used to convey precise meanings.' You employ sophisticated vocabulary naturally throughout: 'idealised images,' 'feelings of inadequacy,' 'addictive nature,' 'disrupt their sleep,' 'sense of belonging,' and 'emotional wellbeing' all show precise word choice and strong collocational awareness. Less common items like 'adolescents' and 'geographical location' are used appropriately. Your paraphrasing is effective - 'psychological harm' becomes 'anxiety and depression,' and 'benefits' is expressed through 'valuable role' and 'meaningful opportunities.' The vocabulary range allows flexibility in expression with phrases like 'widely debated' and 'consistently shown.' Spelling and word formation are accurate throughout, with no errors impacting communication.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7.5
Your essay demonstrates strong grammatical control consistent with Band 7-8 descriptors: 'A wide range of structures is flexibly and accurately used.' You confidently employ complex structures including relative clauses ('which can lead to feelings of inadequacy'), conditional forms ('can be managed'), and subordinate clauses ('whether due to geographical location or social difficulties'). The majority of sentences are error-free, and punctuation is well-managed throughout. You use a variety of sentence types effectively, from simple declarative statements to complex multi-clause constructions. Passive voice ('are widely debated,' 'is linked to') and present perfect ('have found,' 'has consistently shown') are used accurately. Minor improvements could include more sophisticated conditional structures or inversion for emphasis, but current accuracy and range are strong.
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