Band 6 IELTS Sample Essay: Social Media Mental Health
Reading time: 1 minutes
The Prompt
Many people believe that social media platforms are damaging the mental health of young people. Others argue that these platforms offer real benefits such as connection and support. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The Essay
In recent years, social media has become very popular among young people, and there is a lot of debate about whether it is good or bad for their mental health. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and give my own opinion.
On the one hand, many people think that social media is harmful to young people. Firstly, teenagers often compare themselves to others on these platforms, which can make them feel bad about their own lives. For example, when young people see photos of their friends having fun or looking attractive, they may feel unhappy or not good enough. Moreover, spending too much time on social media can reduce the time young people spend on physical activities or face-to-face relationships, which are very much important for a healthy life.
On the other hand, some people argue that social media has many benefits. Secondly, these platforms allow young people to connect with friends and family who live far away, which can reduce feelings of loneliness. In addition, social media can provide a support for people who are going through difficult times, as they can find online communities where others share similar experiences. It is well known that many young people feel more comfortable talking about their problems online than in person.
In my opinion, I believe that social media has both positive and negative effects. However, the negative effects seem to be stronger, especially for teenagers. Parents and schools should do an effort to teach young people how to use social media in a responsible way.
Why This Scored Band 6
Task Achievement: 6
Your essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views about social media's impact on mental health and providing your opinion, which aligns with Band 6 descriptor: 'The main parts of the prompt are addressed...A position is presented that is directly relevant to the prompt.' However, your development lacks depth and precision. The phrase 'the negative effects seem to be stronger' presents a position but without clear justification. Your main ideas are relevant but 'insufficiently developed' - for example, stating 'teenagers often compare themselves to others' without explaining the psychological mechanism or providing specific context. To reach Band 7, you need to extend ideas with more precise supporting detail and avoid over-generalizations like 'very much important for a healthy life.'
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Your essay demonstrates Band 6 coherence: 'Information and ideas are generally arranged coherently and there is a clear overall progression.' You use a clear four-paragraph structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, your cohesive devices are mechanical and sometimes faulty. The transition 'Secondly' in paragraph 3 is illogical since you haven't used 'Firstly' to introduce the opposing view - this shows 'misuse' of cohesive devices. The phrase 'provide a support' demonstrates awkward reference usage. Your paragraphing is logical, but the sequencing within paragraphs could be stronger - the final sentence of paragraph 3 ('It is well known that...') feels disconnected from the previous support community point.
Lexical Resource: 6
Your vocabulary is 'generally adequate and appropriate for the task' which matches Band 6 descriptor. You use some appropriate topic vocabulary like 'mental health,' 'face-to-face relationships,' and 'online communities.' However, your range is limited with repetitive basic expressions: 'good or bad,' 'feel bad,' 'not good enough,' 'very much important.' The phrase 'do an effort' shows word formation error (should be 'make an effort'), and 'provide a support' demonstrates lack of precision in word choice. To reach Band 7, you need to demonstrate 'some ability to use less common and/or idiomatic items' - replace basic vocabulary with more sophisticated alternatives like 'detrimental impact' instead of 'harmful,' or 'foster connections' instead of 'connect with.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Your essay shows Band 6 grammar: 'A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used but flexibility is limited.' You attempt complex structures like 'when young people see photos of their friends having fun or looking attractive, they may feel unhappy' which demonstrates some control. However, errors occur throughout: 'very much important' (word order error), 'provide a support' (article error), 'do an effort' (collocation error), 'which are very much important' (awkward modifier placement). Your simple sentences are generally accurate, but 'Examples of more complex structures are not marked by the same level of accuracy as in simple structures.' To reach Band 7, focus on accuracy in your complex sentences - ensure error-free subordinate clauses and correct verb patterns.
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