Band 6 IELTS Sample Essay: Biodiversity Loss
Reading time: 1 minutes
The Prompt
In recent years many countries have seen a sharp decline in plant and animal species. What are the main causes of this decline, and what measures could governments and individuals take to address it?
The Essay
Nowadays, many parts of the world are experiencing a serious loss of plant and animal species. This is a worrying trend, and there are several reasons why it is happening. In this essay, I will discuss the main causes and suggest some possible solutions.
Firstly, one of the biggest causes is the destruction of natural habitats. When forests are cut down for farming or building new houses, many animals and plants lose the places where they live. Another important cause is pollution. Factories and vehicles produce large amounts of chemicals and waste that go into rivers and the air, which makes it very difficult for wildlife to survive. Moreover, climate change is also a problem because rising temperatures affect the natural conditions that many species depend on. It is well known that all living things need a stable environment to grow and reproduce, so when this changes, many species cannot adapt and they die out.
Secondly, there are several steps that can be taken to reduce this problem. Governments should make more laws to protect forests and other natural areas from being destroyed. In addition, they can create more national parks where hunting and farming are not allowed. Individuals can also do a effort to help by reducing the amount of plastic they use and by supporting environmental organisations with money or time. Furthermore, people should try to buy products that are made in ways that do not harm the environment.
In conclusion, the decline in plant and animal species is caused by habitat loss, pollution and climate change. Both governments and individuals have a important role to play in solving this problem.
Why This Scored Band 6
Task Achievement: 6
Your essay addresses the main parts of the prompt appropriately, presenting causes of species decline and suggesting solutions from both governments and individuals. The position is directly relevant to the task. However, the development lacks depth and precision. For example, 'Factories and vehicles produce large amounts of chemicals and waste' is a general statement without specific supporting detail. The Band 6 descriptor notes that 'main ideas are relevant, but some may be insufficiently developed or may lack clarity, while some supporting arguments and evidence may be less relevant or inadequate.' Your essay demonstrates this through surface-level explanations like 'It is well known that all living things need a stable environment' which states the obvious rather than developing a sophisticated argument. To reach Band 7, you need to extend main ideas with specific, relevant examples and avoid over-generalizations.
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Your essay demonstrates generally coherent organization with a clear overall progression from causes to solutions. The four-paragraph structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion) is appropriate. However, cohesive devices are somewhat mechanical and repetitive. You use 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to introduce body paragraphs, then rely heavily on basic linking words: 'Another important cause,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' 'Furthermore.' The Band 6 descriptor states that 'cohesive devices are used to some good effect but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical due to misuse, overuse or omission.' Your phrase 'do a effort' shows faulty collocation. To reach Band 6.5-7.0, you need to demonstrate more flexible and varied cohesive devices, such as using substitution and reference more effectively rather than repeating 'species' and 'problem' throughout.
Lexical Resource: 6
Your vocabulary is generally adequate and appropriate for the task, with meaning clear despite some limitations. You use topic-specific terms like 'natural habitats,' 'pollution,' 'climate change,' and 'environmental organisations.' However, the range is restricted with noticeable repetition and some errors. You write 'do a effort' (should be 'make an effort'), 'a important role' (should be 'an important role'), and use basic phrases like 'very difficult' and 'big problem.' The Band 6 descriptor notes 'the meaning is generally clear in spite of a rather restricted range or a lack of precision in word choice.' Your vocabulary choices are safe but lack the flexibility and precision needed for Band 7. For example, 'cut down' could be 'cleared' or 'deforested,' and 'die out' could be 'become extinct.' To reach Band 7, incorporate less common lexical items with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Your essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with Band 6 performance. You attempt complex structures like 'When forests are cut down for farming or building new houses, many animals and plants lose the places where they live' and 'It is well known that all living things need a stable environment to grow and reproduce, so when this changes, many species cannot adapt.' However, errors occur throughout: 'do a effort' (article error), 'a important role' (article error), and some awkward constructions like 'makes it very difficult for wildlife to survive' could be more naturally expressed. The Band 6 descriptor states 'a mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used but flexibility is limited' and 'errors in grammar and punctuation occur, but rarely impede communication.' Your errors don't prevent understanding but occur frequently enough to limit the score. To reach Band 7, focus on accuracy in your complex structures and eliminate article errors.
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