Band 6 IELTS Sample Essay: Children Screen Time
Reading time: 1 minutes
The Prompt
Some people argue that parents should strictly limit the amount of time children spend on smartphones and other screens each day. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The Essay
Nowadays, many parents are worried about how much time their children spend looking at screens. Some people think that parents should put strict limits on this time. I mostly agree with this idea, although I also think that not all screen time is the same.
Firstly, too much screen time can cause serious problems for children. It is well known that spending many hours on smartphones can affect children's sleep and make it difficult for them to focus in school. In addition, children who use screens for a long time often do less physical activity, which is bad for their health. For these reasons, I believe that parents should make an effort to control how much their children use devices every day.
Moreover, there is another important reason to limit screen time. Children who spend too much time on social media can feel very much pressure to look a certain way or to be popular. This can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and low self-esteem. Secondly, when children are always looking at screen, they miss opportunities to spend time with family and friends in real life, which is very much important for their social development.
In conclusion, I agree that parents should strictly limit the amount of time children spend on screens. Although some screen use can be educational, the negative effects on health, mental wellbeing and social skills are too serious to ignore. Parents have a responsibility to help their children find the right balance in they daily lives.
Why This Scored Band 6
Task Achievement: 6.5
Your essay presents 'a position that is directly relevant to the prompt' by stating you 'mostly agree' with limiting screen time. The main parts of the prompt are addressed with relevant ideas about health impacts, mental wellbeing, and social development. However, your development lacks the precision and depth required for Band 7. The descriptor states Band 7 requires 'main ideas are extended and supported' with focus and precision, but your supporting ideas tend toward generalization - phrases like 'serious problems' and 'very much important' lack specific detail. Your acknowledgment that 'not all screen time is the same' in the introduction is never developed in the body paragraphs, representing a missed opportunity to demonstrate nuanced thinking. To reach Band 7, you need to develop arguments with specific, concrete examples rather than general statements.
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
Your essay demonstrates 'information and ideas are generally arranged coherently and there is a clear overall progression' consistent with Band 6. You use a clear four-paragraph structure with logical sequencing from introduction through body paragraphs to conclusion. However, your cohesive devices show the mechanical quality typical of Band 6: 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'Secondly' appear formulaic rather than natural. The Band 7 descriptor requires 'a range of cohesive devices including reference and substitution is used flexibly,' but your linking is predictable and sometimes awkward ('Moreover, there is another important reason' followed by 'Secondly' in the same paragraph creates confusion). Your paragraphing is generally effective, though the second body paragraph attempts to cover two distinct ideas (mental health and social development) which slightly weakens focus.
Lexical Resource: 6
Your vocabulary is 'generally adequate and appropriate for the task' as described in Band 6 descriptors. You demonstrate some range with phrases like 'mental health problems,' 'social development,' and 'self-esteem.' However, several issues prevent you from reaching Band 7. You have noticeable errors in collocation and word choice: 'very much pressure' (should be 'a lot of pressure' or 'considerable pressure'), 'very much important' (should be 'very important'), and 'they daily lives' (should be 'their daily lives'). The phrase 'make an effort to control' is unnecessarily wordy when 'regulate' or 'monitor' would be more precise. Band 7 requires 'some ability to use less common and/or idiomatic items' with 'only a few errors,' but your vocabulary remains largely within common academic phrases with multiple accuracy issues that detract from precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5
You demonstrate 'a mix of simple and complex sentence forms' consistent with Band 6-6.5. Your essay includes some effective complex structures: 'It is well known that spending many hours on smartphones can affect children's sleep' and 'children who use screens for a long time often do less physical activity.' However, grammatical errors occur with sufficient frequency to prevent Band 7. Notable errors include: 'very much pressure' (adverb placement error), 'very much important' (incorrect intensifier), 'they daily lives' (pronoun error - should be 'their'), and 'when children are always looking at screen' (missing article - should be 'at screens'). Band 7 requires 'frequent' error-free sentences and 'good control' with only 'a few errors,' but your essay shows a pattern of errors that, while not impeding communication, occur too regularly for Band 7. Your punctuation is generally well controlled.
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